I dont want to go another way

2007-12-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

I have to close my eyes whenever i thinks of you,this helps me stop crying.When to town meet Israel,sorry for being late.Pass him everything what i wanna say,pass him my ring,pass him my past hope to seek for his forgiveness.chill,he still seems to be advoiding me.Am i that irritating? pretty true.Thanks God,he is always there for me.I leave all my sins to God,he clean me once,twice.But his never give up on me.<3>

2007-12-08T02:35:00.000-08:00

suddenly got this urged to go back to church,maybe is all the sins i've done making me guilty concious.Went back to CHC, stephen warmly welcome me back, very much ashamed of myself.I need to apologise to many many people,i felt so ashamed to face u people once again,felt so much shame to bring myself back infront of God. I've really tear my face down,my hidden mixed feelings in me is torturing me everyday.The devil that dwell real deep in me is making me losing my soul.God can u hear me,i really need you, whatever backslyers i am, forgive me please.Maybe is too late to understand all the true you people trying to tell me,its too late to mend back every single lil mistake i made.So late to even chase after back what i've lost.My greatest mistake is to hurt my greatest gift from God,Israel for what i've done to you is a mistake is a great lost to me,Now the changes i made in you is hurting me bleedly.All the nevers u wont did to me, i did it to you.The love you gave me had somehow stop ever since i make ways to hurt you,what more can i say. other then sorry.Now your leaving had aready made me lose my mind,what im i gonna do without you my rest of my life. I will never stand up again,i will never move on to find another better,because i hate myself for what i have today.I've lost in this game which i first started,i've lost the one whom is aready a part of my life,i've aready lost everything including God.The most pain i had is to received ignored from your loves one.when the day you know they wont be there for u anymore, is the day u thought of suicide.God i promise you i will change for the better, give me one last chance.Israel let me do something for u again,i promise. If you dont give me a chance,i will never be on my feet again.This time im really breaking down at the edged. If you people dont give me a chance,i will stop and run away from mistakes, to hid every ugly sins i made the way is to end everything with a .

God hear my prayer will you.stay with me

2007-12-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

raining..im down with fever. :( i felt so unwanted,felt so left out. why is everyone changing. You call this retribution or u call this karma? After so many day of crying,i did not got numb & stop, eventually i got more sad. everyone ignoring me, advoiding me. why? Im so sick, so tired of tears, tell me how should i end it. will u still cry for me, will u still hold me back if i decide to leave this place.im really suffering like hell. why cant you see, dont tell me you dont have to show how your feelings , showing u now im living like shit. how wish i can get bang by car when i cross the road, can be whatever when i want,kill me instead im tired. i dont want to sucide, let me be nature so you won't blame me for ending up my life, God, cursing my own soul is not a sin isn't it,you see im so despo to end everything with a smile,but i really can't. hear me will you? Israel,i dont mind throwing everything away for u including pride, i just need you badly. come back before im gone .

2007-12-05T11:48:00.000-08:00

woke up at 1plus today,sucks.Another rainning day,boreeeddd was caught in the rain with umbrella thou,met davien & lin today for k&pool. sooo emo in singing i swear,but why i dont tears. chill,aircon at party world is killing me, uber cold siol.I miss you i really do, why are u advoiding me? fuck, i hate this feeling. chill chill, saw kayson at starbucks today blabla.so tired so lazy.GOD! where are you, can u hear me, i need you badly where are you. will you tell me what should i do, whats next, im going berserk i need help i swear, everyone is leaving me.why?!
the devil that dwell in me is killing me suicide, help me. Thou i have so many things to say but im so lazy,GOODNIGHT

2007-12-02T03:56:00.000-08:00

Another yet so heartbreaking night,finally i breakdown after such a long hold on to my words.I broke you heart,& now u broke my.your leaving is still killing me, silly me have thoughts of leaving everyone, making you regert, walk my life with revenge. sorry,i apologise.Called jacinta a few hrs ago, cried on the phone, i can't speak a word, i never felt so sad before, its my fault.will you forgive me please.Elisa thanks for all the concern and words,milk does help,but only for a moment.Im living my life with guilty and shame,i dont know why. Is leaving is a reason to be free from everything, i will. Israel, i never felt this way before,im so sorry for what i've done,it all starts with jealousy,temptation leads me to more and more mistake,i know i hurt u deeply,& i know nothing can mend your broken heart anymore,but will give me one last chance to mend everything. Im throwing my pride for you,i dont mind begging for you to come back. At lest let me tried to mend this back.I didnt know you leaving can me so hard impact on me. I've lost. sorry for all the dying and crying, if i treasure my life will you come back? help me somebody, im dying, im so away from everything, why dont you people come and help me.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house .That don’t bother meI can take a few tears now and then and just let them outI’m not afraid to cry every once in a whileEven though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok But that’s not what gets me What hurts the most Was being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have beenAnd not seeing that loving you Is what I was tryin’ to doIt’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go But I’m doin’ It It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone Still Harder Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regretBut I know if I could do it over I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspoken

I'll be waiting. thanks marrisa's mum, your words woke me up.(:

2007-12-01T03:49:00.000-08:00

Another heartbreaking night, i can't get you over. Im here without you, i've lost my body,i threw away my soul. But why dont you know? i want you back. why must you throw all the most hurting words on me. why can't u give me one last chance to love you again. why? Friends told me to stop being so dog you know? or maybe i can be even more dog to beg for your return.Losing you is like losing everything, now i know how much u meant to me. everywhere i go everything i saw i think of you. do u know the heartache in me! The only way to make u feel the pain is to leave everyone.(: soon, soon, i will be going.

2007-11-30T11:37:00.000-08:00

己经好远了退也有一点累了我们都不知道路有多远走到何时才歇一歇不如就现在吧让我们都停下但是在休息后我们还不知道继续走的理由雨都停了天都亮了我们还不懂这爱情路究竟带我们到什么地方是要持续仍旧珍惜还是回到原地如今此刻的我的确是有一点疲倦

One day after our suppose to be eleven month,29th was suppose to be something sweet,but ytd was a mentally torture.do u know how much i miss you, ytd jacinta told me what u told her, maybe you don't know your words is killing me,but i dont mean to scold you.i've tried so many ways to numb myself,so many silly things to forget about you.but i really can't. Clubbing let me forget abt u for a moment, the music allowed me to fade u away in my thoughts but after everything stop your missing is killing me.Davien & everybody asked me to moved on with my life, but how am i suppose to moved on without crying, where are you? do you still really love me? do u still miss me. you made me lost my ways,u made me forget about myself. I doing alot of things hurting myself,in the end im the one suffuring,but do u know? I know you won't come back anymore,but your shadows is still following me. i thought i can be some strong girl, move on. but im suck a weak ass. everynight before bed,i will hold on to my tears.i really cant take it anymore.Jacinta gave me hell scolding today, somehow her words really hurt me alot,'' you'r just being a pathetic, all u want is people to pity you.'' ya,i want you to pity me but why dont you,whyyyyyyy. If one day i manged to throw away your shadow, will be the day i say goodbye. someone please pick me can? the heartache is not over,i can't push u aside,the longlast temptation is killing me suicide.i still feel your touch in my dreams,forget pls my mistake, forgive me people. i swear i will live for the better. When i know i can't feel your love anymore,this is called goodbye.

The book is on fire, we don't need no mothers but the modafuckers burn.

awww,so techno this few days.
God please hear my crying,save me from hell.
Tempation is leading me to suicide.

plush

2007-11-28T10:56:00.000-08:00

soooooooooooo lazy to blog, okay plush night was fun ytd. i swear (: manda and guys are hot.Okay and bloody dennis do u have to go lower then me, whatever u this kuku. choon seng kenrick manda and this hot guy was shuffling, wannbe me trying to follow.HAHS. so sorry to got lionel and friends into troubles.Manda,so sorry that i've to go,bth the pain uh. :(. and Elisa is an ass, andd er, mataku or masaki dontknow what name luh forget HAH, his a great entertainer.Elisa u have fake big eyes, take out luh., stupid boy. wanna wack me again right. hohohooho. went home today at 6plus? dontknow, so tired but so fun. was suppose to meet j for a drink,but he fall asleep,think i kept him waiting for too long.kayson i bet u are soooo happy now right, your party is awsome luh, so rem my fish & co. ytd manda and i was like bumping this bunch of crazy girls, kenrick & click also bth. yuck, and another stupid wannabe grinder,u sucks gal, and u have nothing to show. LALA, half way this so funny man came over for number,duh crazy. i love shuffle boys only.manda missing his boy lastnight, shouting his name siol.oh ya elisa said gal cannot say sial, then siol can? Jacinta mak, i feel like wacking u, i swear u make me so pissed, but somehow i still LOVEU.HA HA ff it. went out with cassssssssandra today, bodoh she wait for me at wrong place,brought jo along for a shave. GROOMING LA DEY, doggy look so ugly now i swear. felix Tan finally u are back, welcome back ass. (: &&&&& iwanna tattoo leh, but scare pain luh. weak seh haha. whatever i forgot abt being pain. you numb me inside out boy,im throwing away your shadow. Im so sorry jacinta i can't be like what u want me to be, i walk along with my mistakes, but i look back with revenge. suay it away.

I got to know nana, his a kaykan bodoh jiao wei boy. NACCHY.(: L
awwwwwwwwwwwww,tml go sing k leh bodoh jacinta. answer my call can bitch.

Now lechelle go scandal & kinky.

break over

2007-11-24T02:06:00.000-08:00

now,finally u mention im not ya gf anymore.alright its my fault to make u suffered at first.but now im begging for a chance and u dont borther.must i have to knee down and fall for u.whatever is it, i know everything is over.It all started from me, i blamed no one. thou i make mistakes, but no one is perfect. mistakes i made is a revenge to u. But i was wrong, i've lost u. Now you'r gone.saying u still love me,i take it as a lie,i know broken heart can never be mend together.I wont force you. i've aready throw my pride away asking u to come back, but since your heart is dead,i will just kill u for once.goodbye 29th.Goodbye tiew yin xin.gd'bye 10mths. goodbye to love,thou u are no longer mine,but no one can replace me.i will make u regert,doing things which u think it will kill you even more.goodnight

DOG DAY

2007-11-22T00:09:00.000-08:00

woke up at 1.00pm,so pig right? Don't know why these few days so hard to get into sleep.so hard to wake up.so easy to tears.oh peo tell me why am i getting so emo.HAH,today met rahmah,xiao lin weiboon & yuan to daniel house.Brought Jojo along too,kai kai saw jo sooo happy,both playing like dog haha.well, daniel's family gave me a very warm feeling,as in a very nice you see.Oh ya daniel,the way u introduce ya product & the way how confident you are really appear another you.If wed free will be likely going down to clark q with u & lin:)
Hello manda gf' thanks for all the concern, love you! These few days really very tied up by emotional feelings but soon it will fade away right? OMG i fucking need a job, the best is work at clark q, night life baby woooo.. wei boon & yuan got their job at CQ so good! lala nvm, u both working there i go there club HAHA. wei boon ya Hu pei hua never fail to make me laugh! (:
lazy to write,NIGHT!

imissyou

2007-11-21T00:30:00.000-08:00

okay,im back blogging again.HAH.i forgot my blog add,password and stuffs.Too bad, i got it all back in my head again.well soooooo many things to mention, so many things to complaint,so many people to miss,so many tears to cry,so many heartbreakers.so so many.Today was great!you see after a hardcore crying last night,i managed to smile today (: rahmah bestie cheer my day with laugher & some booshit chinese speaking,girl i love u. Tears,can you tell me why are u rolling down my cheek before bed! come on, im sad.I do have people to talk to,but some idiots act like they do concern but indeed, HELLO u are a faker.stop asking like you care,when u bloody don't my dear.Its my mistake,to have let you go.Now i want you back,but somehow time is telling me too late.nvm,i shall tears like no tomorrow again.you people tell me to move on and learn my mistake,but you see is not easy okay.Ya whatever i agree with you im one whom can't stand up once i fall, what more about heartbreak now? why i get so jealous easily now? & why am i so afraid to be left behind now.why am i crying like f* & hoping someone around to see me cry? Dont tell me about going scandal & kinky around anymore,i can't afford.I met you 2days ago,while waiting for your bus, u sang a song & telling me is about us.well do u know how sad am i? come on,the lycris you sang is breaking my heart.yesterday i went over to town,towning,jobs is an excuse.i miss you,i wanna see you.And what? u took off the ring and where did u placed it.Now every movement of yours is killing me if you don't know. every move u made kept me thinking,lead me to crying.i can't get over u! i want you back.Do u know everynight i break down under my blanket,i can't even cry out loud, mum's is sleeping with me everynight.do you know the feeling when u are sad & you have to hold back everything including your tears? Do u know the feeling being neglected.Im yearning back for everything,yearning back for u.Now i asked you. am i still your gf, you told me you don't know.Then what am i to you now.i won't forget that night how mum wack me, and how much i need you by myside. waiting for your smses, waiting for your reply. If i had the courage, i would had aready leave this world. Im not getting emo. Im sercious.

chill

2007-09-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

what a stupid monday.stupid monday off you go!booo so boring,kill me kill me i need some love man.oh, where's my candy? come on I need someone to make me happy.Thanks Love for helping me with my art,thou it look so fugly with last min touch up,but with the help of yours,somehow is a must to look good.Goodbye Assumption,Im leaving this ugly place with HOPE. Tell me why,whenever i step out of the school,I SAW LIGHT. See how much i urged to leave this place.My love for this school will only stay for 4/8. A class full of idiotic ideas & pretty faces.Okay, heard something stupid today, someone table was set on fire.HAH, i wonder whose idea man, well maybe you did a great job, maybe you don't.Only burn the ugly thing you want to burn please, don't burn the whole school,HAH.Im pretty looking forward for my birthday,ofcause is not just the day, but the gift that will make my day you see (:
Manda gf' is enjoying her single life, ladies night, pretty guys after her. I bet you won't want to be tied up again.She's crazy,i mean manda, you can scream for the sake of screaming,& ya please huh, don't scared peo anymore, if not you will end up like today, got scared by shoes in the restroom. & ya ah dong did something stupid, she squeeze into yuansheng cab, and i dont know why,HA HA we are suppose to have our dinner rem? what are you doing? hey you made my mouth extended, arshole.

missyou29th.

say love,

2007-09-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

as usual, new blog new story again. duh,it's like so long eva since i blog.Been sleeping very late these few days.But i think is pretty fun to laugh my ass off from stars to sun.Think back again, very fun duh,gee.Thanks for all the laughter ben.yesterday went to cine,something bad really took place, is like i felt so sorry for that guy whom got beaten up,thou i don't know what is it really going on,but is like so sad to see someone got beaten up like no tomorrow.